So, this is kind of weird. I finished the TR project like, nearly 11 days ago. Oops.
But I finally have the time to detail how I’ve been feeling. Yay!
I started the TR project more than a year ago. When I first left my happy but determined Favored Soul life, I was strongly motivated to have it done in months. Which soon stretched to even more months. Past a year. And finally now.
Over the course of this project, I really wanted to make a special post and celebrate the day of, no, the second I became a triple Heroic/Epic/Iconic completionist. But I lulled in doing so, I continued to march towards cap, and here I am now. To be honest I don’t know exactly how I’ve been feeling, considering my doubts and fears about reaching the final life. In truth, its actually kind of… scary. When change becomes the new norm, not changing at all becomes something I would have never imagined. However, I’ve learned and experienced so much more in gain.
I was able to learn each class and appreciate their needs, play styles, and builds. I learned that I really loved playing an Assassin Rogue, and that I could build FVSesque casters out of a non-traditional caster like Bard. I’m really conscious about the toon appearance, so I always played Sun Elves. I adored Deep Gnomes for their size and bounces (jumping), and loathed PDK for their “bounces” (size). I met so many new people throughout the TR trains, and new guildies over time. I buddied with friends as TR partners or groups, then would disband and freely do my thing for a few lives, band together with another friend, and roam free yet again. I compromised min-max’ing XP/min to the rate of enjoyment. I was reminded of the scars that were reopened when I tried Heroic TR’ing; and with that, came the ultimate doubt. The fear of being in this lukewarm trap, where I would never be home in Epics nor Heroics ever again. That after a whole year, whether or not I would love Favored Soul the way I once did.
Well there are two things right now that I have come to realize for sure. One, that I do still love Favored Soul and remember how to play one again. And Two, that I have this crumbling feeling about the build.
Because the build hasn’t been updated in more than a year, I can understand that it is just bound to not be the same as it once was. But after running R1 Slave Lords today in part 1, I just felt crushed. It didn’t help that running in MJ’s R4 Temple of Vol also shattered a part of my FVS pride. One thing I know is that the last thing I want Sera to be is to be a mediocre caster that was forced into mediocre healing.
So I have so many running doubts in the back of my mind lately, and another includes Sera’s SP pool. Perhaps swapping Arcane Prodigy for Completionist really threw me off the bubble, and it shouldn’t surprise me, but it’s certainly not the same anymore. She can barely break 6K, which I don’t remember her “barely” having, although she is running a wisdom build. I strongly doubt she will be able to break 8K, but another part of me is also determined. Whatever it takes, I will have to find a way to fulfill the goals and plans that are still yet to be fulfilled. Even after her TR project, there is still so much more work to do. And deep down, I come to the dreaded resolution, the fact that even though I say to let me finish this project, or this thing, that goal, etc. – that I will never actually tend to the real things that do matter.
Aside from that, this project has given me both so many good and bad things, both of which I embrace and have come to accept deep down. It doesn’t really feel like such an accomplishment, just a title, as many players have done this before, without “cheating” (i.e. Otto boxes, etc.), but as I’ve mentioned before in the past prior to beginning it – as long as I’m having fun and gaining or learning something out of it, it is all right. 🙂
After that celebratory day (well, I celebrated alone in my mind :P), I began to think of so many stories or background for Sera. I changed her surname (finally!), so that her full name reads: Seraphemia Sweetsilk Celestiara. Why the unnecessary long name? Beats me.
But really, as much as the last name Sweetfrost is special to her, I wanted to change it because… to be honest, I didn’t really like it anymore. It became something that was just almost, I guess, pathetic with no real meaning. But I knew that from the start of the project I wanted to change her last name as a part of her story – that she would come to the pinnacle point of her life where she becomes realized of her true identity as an Aasimar celestial princess. And perhaps a goddess, I don’t know, I still haven’t made up her story haha! 😛 Again, I’m the worst writer, I just can’t make up my dang mind! At this point all the stories’ events are dreams. Psyche!
To break it apart, Celestiara was finally decided on as her proper surname because I wanted to associate Sera with Celestia, the astral plane of perfection and pure goodness. Essentially, heaven, her celestial home/world. At first I had just wanted to do Celestia, but then I didn’t want to just rip off a name from a weapon or a MLP character. By the way, I did look into that and finally browsed around the MLP fandom wiki. Interesting stuff and show, and I finally read up more about where the Celestia, Brightest Star of Day weapon reference comes from, but perhaps I’ll watch the show someday. I’m only really interested in Celestia appearances just because of this, haha!
Sweetsilk was just something that I came up with because A) I needed a four letter word that was cute after “Sweet,” and B) coincidentally, it could be a code name for velvet. Because you know, there’s nothing more that sums up me than velvet. 😛
But I had the hardest time deciding this. I wanted to do Sweetstar Celestiara, but then it would sound too repetitive. However this would have so much more meaning to me because in the Warrior Cat series, the nomenclature there would fit perfectly here (upgrading the second part of the combined name to “star” signifies the leadership position of a clan). I’m still deciding to be honest even now and may change it to that someday or sometime, but I don’t know.
In the end, the 2016 Triple-Triple Completionist Project finally came to a close. A few people noticed the name change, others congratulated, one rejoiced in my return as a FVS, and it was an interesting experience. I kind of almost feel that a lot of people expect a lot out of me now, but honestly I think I just need to learn how to balance. No more binge hosting raid nights to the point of exhaustion, but no exclusive seclusion. It almost feels like I don’t really belong anywhere now for some reason. But in my determination, I am motivated to change that, where I can work hard, this time to polish my character in the end game scene. I have a lot to brush up on in terms of playing skills, and many items to grind for. All in all… to those who seek advice in whether or not they should embark on such a project… don’t.
Just kidding, in all seriousness, do whatever your heart sets out to do, and make sure the task gets completed. I promise, there is no greater feeling, especially for the mind of the OCD, than that.