A Gentleman’s Creed

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

– Ernest Hemingway

I was watching Kingsman some time ago with War and this quote resonated a lot with me (despite not being of the gentlemanly sorts, ahem). I feel kind of dumb for not realizing it was Ernest Hemingway, but it makes this that much better. I love this so much especially for the character lore of Sera. One day I’d like to revisit this and make something out of this quote, whether it be a creative writing piece or an artwork of some kind. 😊

A Letter of Gratitude – 2021

WOW has today been a day. I’m officially 24 years old, age seems to be a very visceral thing to me these days. With my older sister being 30 now, one day I will look back from that age and feel so dang OLD!

But really, so many new blessings to be grateful for. I was so stressed about finding a job straight out of college (much less during a pandemic), finding my independence (which is still an ongoing thing mind you), learning to break old habits and be forced out of my comfortable, dependent square (also ongoing).

Today was probably one of the least “restful” birthdays I’ve ever had, but it was actually OK. The first birthday where I felt like a true adult, going to work and coming home to celebrate a quaint Korean meal with the family. The surprise was when my coworker surprised me with a birthday gift, which was very kind given that I didn’t expect anything from any of them (though at the same time, part of me also felt like the same coworker would be kind like that anyways). Something she said stuck with me, she had promised “next year would be better.” I think the most meaningful part of that polite exclamation was that she insinuated there would be a next year, with the company, with the work family there – and that made my day alone.

Compared to a lot of birthdays, 2021 was relatively quiet. I realized having been more secluded as I spend more time with my boyfriend (which by the way, is a welcome change and blessing in itself that I met and am with such a wonderful guy) and thus as a result, it’s a lot easier to forget about me, and space myself from them with that distance. I think I am finally getting what I need: a mental and emotional space from the “mass” that are the guildies, the friends online – and all the while it made me feel like a celebrity, it also ate away at my mind. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice (or even at peace) to be cherished like that, but I think this is my cue to move on with my life too – this time, with the people I find that matter, instead of making others matter to me in mine so that they can participate in the slices of my life.

I’ve never been one to care about what other people meant to me during my birthdays. I remember once my younger sister would be silently upset because it would bother her that she didn’t have X amount of friends even say happy birthday to her in elementary school. Somehow, I feel that I was always blessed with the right kind of friends who cared about me the same way I cared about them. In some ways, I feel that I’ve slacked in giving others my energy in a fair way like that. But in an online space, it can be hard to determine if the investment is worth it because cue the last two times I had to have a mental break from people…

In any case, I am so thankful for these blessings. I have a loving boyfriend who has become my purpose, amazing coworkers and a job I actually enjoy and feel that I can learn from and work up to, an older sister (read: role model) who is happily married (which makes me happy to see that – she absolutely deserves it), and new promises and plans for this year that I have high hopes for and am excited about. It will be a LOT of change, one that I am both anxious and excited to embrace, but one that I will walk alongside God. All of this was possible because of Him and I am eternally grateful for that.

To all my friends, family, and to Him – thank you. 🙂

The Abyss

Lae and I were chatting the other day how he got stuck in an uncharted area of DDO that he has still yet to tell me, and he sent me this:

Image courtesy of Laeris

“I stared into the abyss, and the abyss stared back.”

Something about that was SO beautiful and profound to me, and when he told me it was a quote by Nietzche, a German philosopher, I just had to look into it.

The true quote, taken from his work Beyond Good and Evil, goes as follows:

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”

After doing some quick research on the meaning behind this… I have come to fall in love with this particular philosophy. The abyss doesn’t necessarily represent an endless chasm of good or evil – rather, it is representative of the reader’s truth.

Exploring the theme of monstrosity and humanity is a common one in many of literature, like Geek Love and Frankenstein. When presented with the moral dilemma of fighting for justice, who is to say that you yourself cannot be corrupted? That you become a monster in the process of it all? It’s something I’ve been watching as of lately, a lot of vigilante/war/action TV shows and movies I’ve been watching with War. Especially Dare Devil. The exploration of understanding where that personal line is for you is precisely what the abyss refers to; when you’ve reached a point to where you can see the end of the abyss, is when it “stares” back at you. It is a beautiful, powerful, and eerily evocative statement that tells you, “the only way to find out is to stare – deeply – into the abyss”. An “endless search for truth”, and when you find that the abyss stares back, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

The question is, where is that personal limit for you?